I told you about my experience with panic anxiety several years ago in an earlier blog. I am sure you think that I have transformed my life and habits so that I am no longer prone to panic anxiety attacks. I wish! Old habits die hard. We make changes for a while, but often revert to what we have practised for decades.
Six (6) years ago I ventured into my own consulting business. One would imagine that as my own boss I would have flexibility, and autonomy over how I spend my time. To the contrary, a workaholic and perfectionist to the bone, I have continued to work extended hours and seven days a week far more often than I should. The result? You guessed. Whenever I overdo it, my health suffers. Recently I was out of commission for about 3 weeks suffering from acute vertigo which only came under control when I was placed on a course of anti-anxiety medication.
So many women around me are tired. Some cannot wait to go on vacation or retire. Others, although tired and stressed, refuse to go on vacation or retire - because they “love” what they are doing and believe life would not be worthwhile living if they were to slow down or stop working. Between ridiculous and unrealistic workloads, bullying, unreasonable, demanding, and insatiable bosses, balancing between homeschooling and working from home, all the ‘normal’ challenges of life, and our own perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies, many women are exhausted and burnt out.
I came across this YouTube video in which several candidates were being interviewed for a job and the interviewer was describing the the job as follows. View video here if you prefer.
Not just a job. Probably the most important job.
The title is Director of Operations, but it’s really much more than that
The responsibilities and requirements are really quite extensive:
Must be able to work standing up most if not all the time, constantly on your feet; constantly bending over; constantly exerting yourself requiring a high level of stamina
135 to unlimited hours per week - basically 24 hours a day, seven days per week
No breaks available
Can have lunch only when the Associates have had theirs
Requires excellent negotiation and interpersonal skills - possibly with a degree in medicine, finance and the culinary arts
Must be able to wear several hats
Sometimes have to stay up with an Associate throughout the night
Be able to work in a chaotic environment
If you have a life, you would be asked to give it up
No vacations
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and holidays, the workload will be going up and must be faced with a happy disposition
No time to sleep
All encompassing - 365 days a year
4. The position pays absolutely nothing
It turns out it was a fake position and fake interviews and the job being described was that of a mother. I think it pretty much can describe many women whether they are mothers or not. This is how many of us women think of and treat ourselves. It is what we expect of ourselves, and have trained those around us to expect of us. We treat everyone, and everything we do, as we would treat our children, and make similar sacrifices. In fact we project our motherly instincts into every aspect of our lives, very often to our detriment.
Here are the responses of the candidates as the job was being described to them:
“That’s a lot”; “Is that even legal?” “I think that’s a little intense”; “No! That’s crazy”; “That’s inhumane”; “That’s almost cruel. Almost a very, very sick, twisted joke”; “That’s very insane”; “Nobody’ll do that for free!”
So why do we do it? Why do we continuously overextend ourselves? Why do we put up with so much ridiculousness? Why do we wait until we are literally floored before we stop to take stock, to slow down and pace ourselves? Then, having done that, why do we forget so soon afterward and revert to old ways? Why?
We don’t know how. We don’t know how to love ourselves. We feel guilty taking time to focus on ourselves, our needs, our feelings, our wants, our desires, our preferences, our dreams. Somewhere along the way, we have come to believe that we must put everyone and everything else before ourselves, or else we are not good Christians, not good mothers, not good wives, not good workers, not good church members, not good children.
Who told you so? Well, it’s a filthy lie!!! Lie! Lie! Lie!
The truth? God commands us to “love our neighbour as ourselves” (Mark 12:31). It is interesting how we see “love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength” and we see “love your neighbour”, but we entirely miss “....as yourself”. How are we commanded to love our neighbour? As-we-love-ourselves!!!!! What does this mean? We are commanded to love ourselves. Simple truth. We are expected to love ourselves.
So disabuse yourself of that lie and as of now begin to love yourself. How? First, leave that job! Here is another job description for ourselves in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says:
Remember this is all to be directed at you. Let us begin treating ourselves as described in this passage and reset our thinking and behaviour. I would love to hear from you how you are choosing to love yourself.
Weekend Reset Tip: Get yourself a journal and spend some quiet time alone this weekend, reflecting on how you will love yourself.
Here are some questions - (1) How am I being impatient with myself, and how can I be patient with myself instead? (2) How am I being unkind to myself and how can I be kind to myself instead? (3) How am I dishonoring myself, and how can I honor myself instead? (4) What mistakes have I made that I keep beating myself up for, and what do I need to forgive myself for instead?
Because bad habits are hard to break, my upcoming Recharge and Reset Course will help women learn how to love themselves and adopt habits that promote their wellbeing, self-development, and success. Women will learn to dream again and pursue their dreams while fulfilling their God-given purpose and hearts’ desires.
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Sharon Carruthers, the author of the ‘Weekend Reset’ blog is a child of God, wife, mother of 3, a Human Resource Management and Development Consultant, and owner of the firm, ‘Bold Consulting’. She is sharing from her own experiences for women who are holding back, or living on autopilot; who believe their identities are in others and, or in what they do; or who neglect themselves while sacrificially taking care of others. She hopes that together Christian women can embrace the future with the beautiful hope of transformation one step at a time.