Mirror mirror on the wall, What's in the mirror?
My beautiful sisters.
Another weekend has come and gone oh soooo quickly, but it is never too late to RESET for the week ahead. My question to you this week is what do you see in the mirror?
One morning I looked in the mirror. I mean I really looked. To my immense surprise I thought I looked really good. I said “dang, you look beautiful, healthy and radiant.” Having thought that, I felt great and I could NOT keep the grin off my face. My spirits were lifted and I even did a little dance and marveled that I did not feel pain in my back from the moves I had just made.
I wondered to myself how come I never saw this before? How come, up to the day before, I did NOT like what I was seeing in the mirror?
You see, EVERY day, when I looked in the mirror I would see my gray hairs ….. and cover them over with a colour stick. Every day I would see the patch on my head where my hair is ‘thinning’ ……. and would arrange my hair in such a way to conceal it. Every day, when I looked in the mirror, I would see the size of my belly…….. and tuck it in. I would see the size of my arms ……… and plan NOT to wear any armless clothes. I would see the size of my thighs …… and make sure my bathsuits are designed to cover the thighs.
EVERY day, as a result, I would step on the scale (which, by the way, I had stepped on the day before, and would probably step on later the same day), hoping to see the needle move closer to what I considered to be my ideal weight. When of course, it had not moved much, I would once more be disappointed and vow to ‘do better’ to lose the weight. I would constantly think about the fact that “I need to lose weight”.
Every day I would be dissatisfied with what I saw in the mirror ……and give myself the seemingly never-ending and impossible task of “FIXING” it. After all, isn’t that what mirrors are for - to look for flaws and fix them? It is one of the first things we look at every day and one of the last.
I know you are not judging me right now. I know because I am pretty sure you do this too. We ALL engage in self-talk. We, women, take this exercise of looking into the mirror very seriously, so would it not be really sad if we were to spend our lifetime prioritizing “fixing our flaws”?
Self-talk is our internal dialogue. It’s the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through our heads every day.
As you can see from my dialogue with myself described above, self-talk can be negative, but it can also be positive, or a mixture of both. If you’re generally a positive person, your self-talk will be more positive, and if you’re generally a negative person, your self-talk will be more negative.
Some negative self-talk is normal. If however, you replay negative thoughts over and over again in your head, this is called rumination and if not kept under control, constant negative thinking can lead to chronic stress, poor mental health, low quality of life, pessimism, poor communication, and low self-esteem.
Like I was, you may be struggling with negative self-talk. Your self-talk may or may not be about your body image, however, this kind of negative self-talk is called magnifying where one focuses on the worst parts of a situation and pays no attention to the positive parts.
You might be more prone to self-talk called polarizing where you see things as either good or bad, black or white, with no room for a middle ground.
Your negative self-talk may take the form of catastrophizing where you constantly expect the worst.
Finally, you may blame yourself when bad things happen. This kind of self-talk is referred to as personalizing.
When you recognize what types of negative thinking you have, and if, like me, you want to be kinder to yourself, you can use the power of positive self-talk to help you. It will not happen overnight, but with time, practice, and dedication, you can correct your negative self-talk.
Here are some of the benefits of positive self-talk as shared by Dr. Shonna Waters Ph.D. of BetterUp.
What changed for me on this particular morning, that caused me to like what I saw in the mirror? I still was not at my ideal weight (I kept checking, remember?); I still have gray hairs; my arms and belly are still ‘imperfect’; and I still have a patch of sparse hair where my hair is thinning.
What changed is that I am taking Lisa Nicols’ advice and doing “mirror work”. I am looking at myself in the mirror, and telling myself seven things I am proud of myself for, seven things I forgive myself for, and seven things I commit to myself to do for me.
Lisa has given us one effective and practical way to apply what the Apostle Paul has already advised us in Philippians 4:8 - “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Simultaneously and even before learning this ‘healing’ daily routine, I had started on a journey of self love and self-care. It is a process. I have spent years ‘perfecting’ my negative self-talk so it will take time to reverse it. How long it takes for each of us is up to us and whether we consistently and unwaveringly practise positive self-talk, and develop other self-love habits.
Self love is NOT perfection or always being happy. It is NOT based on our achievements and external measurements of success. It is NOT rooted in shame-based criticism or fear, self-shaming & self-criticism. Rather, self love is:
giving ourselves permission to find and believe in our strengths and gifts
prioritizing ourselves & putting ourselves first
learning to extend kindness toward ourselves even when we struggle and suffer
extending forgiveness to ourselves when we make mistakes
filled with compassion, grace, and gentleness toward ourselves
By practicing self-love, I was able to look at myself in the mirror that morning and every morning since and see my strengths, gifts and beauty.
In my next blog, I will share some of the other ways we can practice self-love, but for now, your weekend reset is to do some ‘mirror work’, and feel free to leave a comment by clicking the button below.
Weekend Reset:
Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself:
7 seven things you are proud of yourself for
7 things you forgive yourself for, and
7 things you commit to yourself to do for you
If negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and other self-sabotaging habits are keeping you stuck and you want to recharge and reset your life, schedule a call with me here to see if my course for women who are stuck, depleted, and feeling defeated - ‘Recharge & Reset: Maximize Your Potential, Fulfill Your Purpose’, is for you. Check out my website as well, if I can be of service to you in any other capacity.
Sharon Carruthers, the author of the ‘Weekend Reset’ blog is a child of God, wife, mother of 3, a Human Resource Management and Development Consultant, and owner of the firm, ‘Bold Consulting’. She is sharing from her own experiences for women who are holding back, or living on autopilot; who believe their identities are in others and, or in what they do; or who neglect themselves while sacrificially taking care of others. She hopes that together Christian women can embrace the future with the beautiful hope of transformation one step at a time.