Let go!!!
As if to test how much I learned from the “Recovering From Trauma” presentation the previous evening, early one morning this week I had a traumatic incident. When it was over, I realized my arms were aching, I was light-headed and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and temples.
I was relieved that it was behind me (was it?), but I was angry. In the aftermath, more than any other emotion, I felt anger.
During the incident, I was embarrassed, confused, extremely anxious, exasperated, guilty, and ashamed. I felt dread, despair, stupid, and helplessly stuck. My car was actually literally stuck between the raised concrete verges on both sides of a ‘walkway’ (note WALK way).
I asked myself and God, why? Why was I in that position? What was the reason for it … the purpose? How did I find myself there in the first place? Why did God allow me to go there? What was I supposed to learn from it?
I had been reminded in the “Recovering From Trauma” session that it is important to notice, name, and navigate my emotions. Oh boy, was I being tested. Well, I noticed and named my emotions alright. Now to navigate them.
We were asked in the session, to think of a past, traumatic event, how we handled it, and how we could have handled it better. In this instance my first emotion was irritation then panic, to which my response was like a scared, cornered animal.
Yielding to that emotion had led me to the place where I got stuck. A place I would NEVER have gone under “normal” circumstances; …. had I not been in that panic mode.
Having found myself stuck, I panicked even more and attempted to go back the way I had come, but only seemed to be getting further wedged into that position. Thereafter came anxiety, confusion, and fear. I was afraid of getting even further stuck, of causing damage to the car tires.
My strongest emotions at that point were anxiety and frustration. I remained in a state of flux - inching forward, inching backward, inching forward, inching backward - for a very looooooong time. Then came the embarrassment because I was in a public place (but semi-isolated at that moment), and self-beratement. I could not step out to another vantage point, because I was not dressed. I could not call for my usual help because I did not have my phone. Noone came to my assistance (thankfully, I thought at the time), and I “told myself the story” that it was because they felt I deserved to be in the situation I was in. Then came the shame.
Finally despair!!!!!! When I realized that I had done all I possibly could to get out and was in the same position, I stopped. I literally ceased all my attempts to assess and reason myself out of the situation.
I sighed deeply and said, “God please help me”.
Then I put the car in reverse and stepped on the gas pedal. This time, where before I met resistance and felt stuck, the car now moved, and continued to move unhindered until I was out.
Puzzled? No. It was not the first, and would not be the last. Relief? yes.
Anger!!! I was flipping mad and promptly got into another mindless state. I wanted to rant and rave. I felt justified. Why did I listen to that voice. Why did I panic? Why was my judgement so poor? Why did I allow anxiety to control me and hold me hostage? Why should I even have had to be on the road at that time in the first place, much less get myself stuck? I was incensed with rage. My heart would continue to pound in my chest and temples…..because of anger now.
Again, I had to say “Father help me to do the right thing. Help me to do the right thing. Help me to do the right thing.”
And once again, He did. I went to a quiet place and sat down with pen and paper to notice, name and navigate my overwhelming emotions.
It could not be any clearer to me that from the very beginning of this drama to this point, I was being one hundred percent controlled by my runaway emotions. and that my “why” needed to become bigger than my “but”. It mattered not what anyone else might have contributed to the situation, I was the one being literally consumed by my emotions, so I needed to take control of them and rescue myself.
You see, the morning’s incident did not start there. It started from the moment I had gotten angry in response to something that was said to me that morning. It continued with my annoyance at an ongoing situation that I felt helpless to do anything about and was being drawn into against my will. When I left the house that morning I was in a very sour mood.
It was time to change the story I was telling myself.
Would it surprise you to know that only a few minutes before I went into this situation, I was having my devotions (in fact I was interrupted to go), and meditating on the verse “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 I had looked up what it really means to “be still” because I know that “waiting” on the Lord is not meant to be passive….that there is the action I am expected to take while waiting on God. The meanings I had found and written down were - to stop striving; stop fighting; relax; put your hands down (instead of up in defense); stop worrying; stop trying to control things; to wait; to find contentment.
Now to change the story.
It now went like this:
It was I who chose to respond to the events of the morning with anger and resentment. It was I who chose, against my better judgement to begrudgingly listen to the voice of others and enter into panic mode. It is I who had been writing an ongoing story in my head to which I decided to add the plot of mal-intent, selfish motives and rejection that morning. It was I who wrote and believed my own narrative in my head, to which I was responding with resentment and bitterness. It was therefore I, with those lines newly written fresh in my mind, that was blinded by all that negative emotion, and got myself stuck. I had absolutely noone else to blame.
All that anger was self-generated, self-promoted, totally unwarranted, unnecessary, and in fact harmful to me. I needed to regulate my emotions. By then I had had two cups of tea and a warm croissant but was still unresolved. I turned to Word and what God had to say about anger. I googled “What does the scripture say about anger?”
“Refrain from anger and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil” Psalm 37:8
“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:9I
selected the sub-topic ‘How does the bible say to deal with anger” and found an article written by Ronald E. Franklin - ‘Five Biblical Steps to Controlling Anger’, from which I will now share what I learned.
The weekend's reset tip
Here are five steps to overcoming the destructive power of unrestrained anger which I found in my search to regulate my emotions that morning:
Acknowledge your anger. It is real and needs to be dealt with.
Set your will to forgive the person(s) you think is at fault (including yourself). Commit not to hold a grudge against them. Colossians 3:13
Pray the prayer of forgiveness - verbalize your forgiveness to the Lord. Acts 7:59-60
Ask God to help you deal with your angry feelings. It takes time to really feel forgiveness. Proverbs 16:32 We are totally incapable of ruling our own spirits, but when we take our turmoil to God in prayer (like I did), He promises to replace that turmoil with His peace: Philippians 4:6-7
Refuse to keep thinking about the offence. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says “... bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” is what God calls on us to do when our thoughts seem to be out of control.
“The key to being able to forgive is understanding that forgiveness is not a matter of how we feel about the person, but of making the heart commitment to no longer hold their offense against them.” Ronald E. FranklinI
was able to calm down, forgive myself, carry out my responsibilities for the day and most importantly relate peaceably with everyone and be at peace for the rest of the day. My body still had to slowly recover from all that I had put it through, but I had a productive and peaceful day.
What do you need to let go of today? Is anger keeping you stuck in unforgiveness or other ruts? It’s natural to feel anger. The BIG question is WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? The Word says “be angry and sin not”.
Are you stuck? Do you feel depleted and defeated. Share in the comments what has you stuck, and feel free to reach out to me HERE for a FREE one-on-one consultation to see if my coaching programme - ‘Recharge and Reset, Maximize Your Potential, Fulfill Your Purpose’ is for you.