FOR GOODNESS SAKE....GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!
You’re good at what you do. People love you. They sing your praises and you’re the one they call upon when they want to get something done and know it will be done well. They depend on you. You solve the many, never-ending problems and put out all the “fires” day after day.
Plus…you’re juggling many hats. You are on the PTA at your children’s school at every stage, and you chauffeur your children to and from school and extracurricular activities - dancing, swimming, cricket, piano, karate, you name it. You teach Sunday School or sing in the church choir or Praise & Worship Team. You do volunteer work in your community; and you just might be caring for an ailing aged parent or ill child. You love to cook three-course meals for your family, and your home looks ‘magazine perfect’. Well at least you believe it should be so, and you would die trying (a little literary license here, LOL).
You feel good about all of it. You enjoy the rush, the buzz. You enjoy seeing your family thrive. You feel accomplished and needed, and like you can make a difference. You love what you do. You are passionate about it. You’re on fire. You’re driven.
The problem is, you cannot stop. It’s the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing at night when you lay your head on your pillow and every moment in between. In fact, you even dream about it.
Phew!!! For goodness sake…give yourself a break!!!!
“Oh no! Why should I?” you might ask. “I have to do this. How else am I going to earn a living and contribute to the needs of my family?” “I’m an educated and qualified, independent professional woman.” “I’m living the dream life of a successful career woman. I’m climbing corporate ladders, breaking through the glass ceiling. I am not weak. I am strong and capable. Yes I can!!!”
I turned over in my sleep in the wee hours of the morning one day and everything reeled around me in the dark. I felt like I was falling and spinning out of control. I cried out to my husband in fright and in a panic. I could not understand what was happening to me. Each time I attempted to get up I would feel myself reeling and the most awful, helpless feeling would envelope me. That would be my struggle for weeks, even after being taken to the doctor and getting medication. I would only eventually get relief when I returned to the doctor and got the right medication which forced me to sleep for long hours and allowed my body to restore itself.
You see, for several days, in fact weeks before that frightful night, I had been burning the candle at both ends.
Long days and very short nights had become a norm for too long. I kept telling myself that I would soon be able to slow down, I just needed to get this and then that done. I should have known better because I had suffered burnout before. It affected me differently then, but nonetheless, I had suffered from its terrible effects, and so had my family.
You see, I was that woman described above, for years. I could do so much with apparent ease and just never stopped. My husband would often point this out to me letting me know that just observing me made him tired, but I would say that’s just how I am, and in fact, that’s how women are made up.
I know better now though. I have learned the hard way, and anytime I get forgetful, my not-so-young-now body quickly reminds me.
So my sisters, I do NOT wish this on my worst enemy so I am sharing what I have learned about how to avoid burnout.
First of all burnout happens when a highly engaged employee begins to have low well-being. Here is a definition of burnout so you know how to recognize it: “A prolonged exposure to chronic emotional and interpersonal stresses on the job.” Maslach, Schaufeli & Leiter, 2001
Secondly, here is how it usually happens and what it looks like:
A combination of a heavy workload, time pressure, lack of adequate support, lack of feedback, and a disconnect in values leads to:
exhaustion to the point of depletion (who here has fallen asleep at the car wheel?),
cynicism where you are so fed up, you just don’t care anymore (who here has walked out on a ‘crazy’ meeting uncaring of the repercussions?), and finally
inefficacy where you feel you are not making a difference (who here has had to finally take a mighty strong stance and suffer for it?).
So how do you recover and avoid a recurrence?
Detachment - take a real break, not the kind you then need a break from. I had to involuntarily take six weeks off. Maybe you will give yourself the choice?
Regular, periodic Relaxation - low effort and enjoyable leisure (not sudoku if you’re a perfectionist like me)
Mastery - learning something new and unrelated to your job (a hobby or even a useful skill or sport or musical instrument) to take your mind off work
To keep burnout away, develop some rituals such as:
End-of-day ritual - leaving the office at a fixed reasonable time, playing your music playlist a few minutes before to close out the day, etc.
Regular well-being check-ins with yourself or your accountability partner or physician (quarterly, monthly, weekly)
Daily gratitude practice (e.g. think of at least 3 things you’re grateful for first thing every morning)
Daily crossword or your favourite puzzle etc.
coffee/tea ritual (I drink non-caffeinated teas at least twice a day to relax and unwind LOL)
Finally, do some introspection and make some lifestyle and workstyle adjustments accordingly. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What parts of my job energize me? Do more of this.
What parts of my job deplete me? Find out why and do something about it e.g. make it into a game, play music, get help, do it with a colleague, etc.
How do I need to be recognized? Let your supervisor know. Chances are they have no clue and would appreciate this information.
How has time gotten away from me e.g. social media binging? Spend your time wisely - cut out the time-vacuums.
How do I prioritize my work? Do the top 3 activities in order starting with the highest priority .... one at a time until finished. before the start of your work day.
How is my role connected to the mission? Some things can be cut out if it does not contribute to the achievement of the mission.
How am I personally connected to the mission? Find your "why", and let your work be meaningful to you.
weekend reset tip
Avoid burnout. Take a real break next weekend (so you can plan for it). Drop all work and allow your body to restore itself. Relax and do something new, different, and even challenging that has nothing to do with work
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If you are feeling depleted and defeated and want to recharge and reset your life, book a free consultation with me HERE to join my Recharge and Reset Community of women who are together maximizing our potential, and fulfilling our purpose.