the pigs get it, messy is ok.
I think pigs have the right idea. If it’s muddy a.k.a. messy, then accept it and enjoy it – lie down in it, roll in it, savor it, be at home in it.
Well, you say, that’s the life of a pig. Pigs are made for mud and mud for pigs. I am learning that life IS messy!!! But maybe you already know that. The real learning for me is to accept that life will get messy from time to time, and the sooner we accept the messy along with the niceties of life, the sooner we get on with the business of living life. When we fight against the mess, feel guilty and ashamed about it, try to cover it up or hide it, blame others for it, resent it, and even deny it, we don’t deal with the mess and we make more of a mess a.k.a. chaos and despair.
We have been taught to tidy up. That the place must be kept tidy and clean. So we learn to make our beds, brush our teeth, comb our hair, bathe, put on clean clothes, sweep and mop the floors, put things in their proper places, wash the dishes and our clothes, sweep up the yard, etc. etc. etc. Have you ever noticed that for as long as we live and have breath, we are always tidying up? It never ends. We have a saying that “wuk doh dead!” meaning that work does not die. We do all that cleaning only to do it all over again and again and again. Why? because it keeps getting messy! It’s a part of life. It comes with the territory. It’s part of the package.
So what am I saying. Don’t clean up? Some people do live by that philosophy. If it’s only going to get messy again, why bother? So they never do clean up. They just let dust and dirt become fixtures, recycle their unwashed clothes and pile them high, and keep their yards overgrown. They live in grime and slime that smell to high heavens. No! That’s just gross and offensive. We must clean up. Not only must we do our daily chores to keep ourselves and our homes tidy. We must daily clean up our hearts, minds, and lives to maintain a healthy state of wellbeing. Interestingly those 2 things are connected. Sometimes when our minds are all cluttered and we feel overwhelmed, it is difficult for us just to do the basic things which includes keeping ourselves and surroundings clean.
The truth is that if we accept that life will get messy at times, we can prepare for it. Here is some of what I am learning, to accept and deal with the messy parts of life. Note the emphasis on learning, because just as with housework, we have to keep at it. We have to constantly learn and remind ourselves of these truths, and ‘tidy up’ over and over again.
1. GET REAL!!! Accept imperfection. Let go of the quest for perfection - the illusion of being perfect or becoming perfect. Excellence yes, but perfection? No! When we expect perfection, both in ourselves and others, we set ourselves up for disappointment and disillusionment time and time again. Instead, we should simply do our best, pursue excellence, and stop wasting energy putting up a façade, which is futile and draining. “…we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, in His grace, freely makes us right in His sight” (Romans 3:23-24).
2. GET OVER IT!!! However we have to do it; whatever it takes; we must get over the mess - messy situations, messy relationships, messy thinking and behaviours. To do that we need to forgive others AND OURSELVES, as well as seek forgiveness and resolution. Make amends. We must let go of bitterness, resentment, and self-pity. Like the little childhood chorus says – ‘Root them up, throw them behind; four little foxes that spoil the vine - envy, jealousy, malice and pride; they must never in my heart abide’. When we harbour these emotions, it’s like drinking poison and hoping it will kill our enemy. I don’t remember where I read or heard this saying to give the credit, it is sooooo true. My husband told me once that I take life too seriously. I eventually understood what he meant! We should laugh at ourselves sometimes. Rest. Take breaks. Have fun. These are natural ways meant to help us balance out the messy parts of life. Proverbs 17:22. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.”
3. GET HELP!!! We cannot always get over the hard parts of life on our own. Sometimes we need help. It can become overwhelming at times. Sometimes our self-talk is not enough. Left unchecked, this could lead to despondency and ultimately untimely death. God is a very present help in time of trouble (Psalm 46:1). He tells us we can “bring our messes [cares] to Him because He cares for us”. (1 Peter 5:7). He tells us “not to be anxious about anything, but ask Him for what we need, give thanks and be at peace, resting assured that He will take care of us”. (Philippians 4:6-7) We also have access to others to encourage and help in practical ways. We must freely and humbly seek assistance, advice, counseling or coaching depending on the need. Let us not be too proud to reach out for, and/or accept help.
4. GET IT!!!! I think the real point of it all is to learn and grow. Each time we face a messy situation we must look back at what we went through and ponder why it happened, what could we have done differently, what we can learn from the experience or others’ similar experiences? What we need to change about ourselves, our actions, the company we keep, our thinking, or our attitudes? What life skills do we need to learn? A friend told me recently that there is no failure only opportunities for learning. So, grab a journal and start taking some time daily, just like you would brush your teeth daily (I hope). Get those thoughts out on paper and process them, learn from them and that way, like the pigs we can lie down in it, roll in it, savor it, and be at home in it. In other words, thrive in the midst of the messiness.
Our life is a process of transformation and growth. If we are not growing, we are dying. With growth comes the messy, and that’s o.k.. The lifecycle of the butterfly demonstrates it perfectly. Between the stages of being a clumsy caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly is a sticky, yucky mess in a confining cocoon. We too must go through the messy parts of life to emerge stronger, wiser, and better for it.
Ladies remember this month is breasts cancer month. No one wants to face the reality of breast cancer, but remember that early detection could save your life. Examine your breasts regularly. See how here: https://youtu.be/LrfE6JUwIms
Your Weekend reset tip:
Practice brain dumping - When you feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities and challenges of life and it seems too messy to handle, get a clean sheet of paper and write it ALL down......EVERYTHING you have to get done or get through. Then prioritize them and pick the top 6 important and urgent matters and do them one at a time. Delegate what you can and schedule the rest over the rest of the week or month. Exhale.
Sharon Carruthers, the author of the ‘Weekend Reset’ blog is a child of God, wife, mother of 3, a Human Resource Management and Development Consultant, and owner of the firm, ‘Bold Consulting’. She is sharing from her own experiences for women who are holding back, or living on autopilot; who believe their identities are in others and, or in what they do; or who neglect themselves while sacrificially taking care of others. She hopes that together Christian women can embrace the future with the beautiful hope of transformation one step at a time.
